ASK DEACONETTE: “My 4 year old [child] insists on praying in Valyrian.” Valyrian resources for young children?
From a lonely man posing as his reader…
Quaeritur: Thank you for the delightful and edifying omnibus that is your blog. [Yes, the Profanator of Petrified Provincial Patois pretended, pathologically, that a partisan praised him with that preposterous plaudit when, plainly, he penned it personally.] It is my understanding that Septa Unella, or maybe it was even the High Sparrow, created a syllabus of works to be read when studying how to waste time the Seven would have us put to better use. It is known. Do you have a copy of this for those studying at home? Also, my 4 y.o. [child] is insisting upon saying her prayers in High Valyrian. Do you or the readers know of any resources for young children to study or read in High Valyrian? Valar dohaeris.
Respondio: No. Please ask your daughter to outside and play with the other boys and girls until dinnertime.
Said Faggioli, “Fr. Z is much more convinced about the Christian character of Donald Trump than of Pope Francis. That’s remarkable.”
Deaconette thinks Dr. Massimo Faggioli has an enviable gift of concision which has ever eluded her. Perfection being attained not by addition but by subtraction, Deaconette will not embellish on the good professor’s elegant and astute observation.
If you have not yet read the profile of Father Zuhlsdorf that ran in yesterday’s BuzzFeed, go do. Share it far and wide.
Deaconette is sorry for her relative tardiness in analyzing the predictive data for the two thousand eighteenth year of Our Lord. The Prognosticating Presbyter in Pontoon Pants beat her to it.
1. Pres. Trump’s obvious cognitive decline will be revealed to be related to a progressive neurological disease.
2. The criminal trial of Paul Manafort will begin. Indictments will be handed down for one or more of Pres. Trump’s children.
3. The word “chasuble” will be used more often than the word “resurrection” at WDTPRS.
4. Pope Francis–still Pope–will still make no material progress on what to do with Cosplay Ray.
5. For no particular reason, several times throughout the year Vince Apicella will send the “Sudden Sweetness Gerber Daisy Thank You Delivery Assortment from Participating Network Florist” to Bob Morlino, with his heartfelt assurance of continuing prayers.
6. Viri probati will cause far less controversy among the faithful than priests on probation for probing virile preteens.
- Deaconette prefers the superior precision of the term “ad apsidem” to the posterior posture.
7. The number of places in the United States with Holy Mass, whether ad orientem or not, will decline significantly.
8. From a likely source, we will learn much of value about pasta made with squid ink and almost nothing about alms-giving.
9. Doctrinal evaluation of professors and theological writings will be devolved to local bloggers.
10. Fr. Z will still want to be a Monsignor.
Deaconette firmly believes Father Gordon MacRae is where he belongs, much as did his jury. It also appears to her that the State of New Hampshire and the Diocese of Manchester, inter alia, concur. If your views are colored only by “These Stone Walls” and an over-zealous Catholic conservative press, she invites you to take a closer look into Father MacRae’s disturbing history.
That stipulated, Deaconette reminds us all that it is a corporal work of mercy to bring comfort to the imprisoned. If in your charity, to turn a phrase from a Pelagianistic Proto-Post-Pharisee, you are inclined to add funds to Father MacRae’s telephone account, do so.
Source: ACTION ITEM! Fr. Z calls for help for a wrongly imprisoned priest
The Pompous Patronless Protégé, Ph.D. (probably not) Pending (and postulants to these posts, please be apprised at this point that that prat is pegged “the 4P” in these pages) is perennially perusing the papers in pursuit of pieces portraying the perpetration of profanations by professional primitives as proof positive of Islam’s privations in terms of peace. Though the crusades are long over, Prester John the Chickenhearted seems to think that dramatic incidents of political violence committed by a shrinkingly small but hugely dangerous few can be extrapolated to impugn the loving nature of over a fifth of the world’s people. Believe his hypothesis, and Deaconette C will believe if you do that somewhere along the line, over a fifth of something was involved.
Apparently, the Priggish Porker of the Pantywaisted Patriarchy dipped into the Journal of Feminist Geography and found its contents confusing. One should never expect to understand a graduate level research paper before one has taken the basic survey course. Please, 4P, have a seat and we’ll begin.
Welcome to Feminist Geography 101. I’m Irrev. Prof. Deaconette C. I realize many of you were expecting Professor Socrates, but I’m afraid he lost his bid for tenure. Although he was eminently well-qualified for Pontifical University faculty on the basis of his superannuation of retirement age, his criminal record and his stated preference for young boys, the department ultimately decided that someone who has no Ph.D., no publications, and who actually admits he doesn’t know anything is better qualified for the diocesan curia. He’s now the co-adjutor bishop. So I’m here instead. Continue reading
From a middle-school reader…
Quaeritur: My son and fiancee are Catholics, [according to me but very likely not according to them nor their friends], and [are] considering having a non-priest [a deacon, perhaps? No?] perform the ceremony in the Outer Banks, NC. We have two family members saying that as Catholics, they can’t attend the wedding because it is outside of the church. Is there some rule that is keeping them from attending the wedding?
Respondio: There is indeed a very elegant rule for avoiding sin when one finds oneself without previously accepted social commitments of that order of magnitude. Follow the five simple steps Deaconette now outlines:
Deaconette has in the past introduced you gentle readers to some of her sorority sisters. But you have been hanging around the sorority house for some time now, and it’s probably time that you meet the whole family. Yes? Well come in, wait, wipe your feet on the mat please. Now then, may I present Deaconette’s
- identical-but-ontologically-inferior twin blue sister Smurfette (Ma always liked me best);
- arty sister Palette;
- sister with the drinking problem Bachelorette;
- Texan food-service worker sister Charcoal Briquette;
- sisters Diskette and Cassette, together affectionately “the Obsolettes”;
- prissy sister Lorgnette;
- nutty sister Noisette;
- showoff sister Majorette;
- pregnant sister Layette;
- overweight sister Raclette;
- bitchy sister Martinet;
- sexy sister Coquette and slutty sister Nymphette (who are not to be confused with the sister who merely enjoys having her salad tossed occasionally, Vinaigrette);
- elusive sister Silhouette and black-sheep sister Oubliette;
- and Holy Mother (née holy sister) Popette, with whom you’re well acquainted already;
Pope Francis kisses a statue of baby Jesus as he leads the Christmas night Mass in Saint Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican December 24, 2016 (AP photo)
When children are concerned, if choosing to lead the Church in a grand symbolic gesture it is wise to consider all the angles of… shall we say interpretation?
Quaeritur: I recently read about the indulgences formerly attached to being touched by the ‘penitential wand’ in Rome in the Raccolta. I’ve been trying to find more information about this practice online, all to no avail. I wonder if you could write about it? Seems like something as ‘rigid’ as this could do us well these days!
Respondio: The penitential mentula or ferula, the bocchino penitenziario, wand, or rod is encountered the world over, and not merely in Rome. It varies in length and girth, and while it is not always used in a penitential capacity, it is nevertheless not uncommonly employed in such a ritual. Since not every man can be a wizard every time.