Senza Vincoli

ASK DEACONETTE:

From a man with too much time on his hands…

Quaeritur: I was wondering if you know the rubrics or know where the rubrics for lay instituted acolytes in the EF can be found?
At my parish, we try and do a lot of things in the extraordinary form, and I am trying to find some authoritative/knowledgeable source on what an instituted acolyte can/ cannot do/wear (in terms of the biretta) for liturgical celebrations (mainly outside of Mass). Thank you!

Respondio: Footwear is de riguer, of course. Socks and ideally, shoes, should you be able to afford them; sandals are generally frowned upon unless accompanied by the habit of your mendicant order. Opinions vary on athletic shoes and boots; Deaconette believes they are best avoided at liturgical celebrations if one has the wherewithal to make a substitution more formal in nature. Omit the wristwatch. Finally, some sort of undergarment is generally expected, though it ought to go unseen. Tighty-whiteys, boxers, briefs, boxer-briefs are all acceptable; the thong, g-string, athletic supporter, or cloth diaper with safety pin is only acceptable when the acolyte is serving in a non-public situation, e.g. in the chapel of the Cardinal’s beach home at the Jersey Shore.

What? Don’t act shocked, fornication with the Ordinary is perfectly ordinary. The Holy See knew all about Uncle Ted the Molester, and yet “Saint” John Paul II thereafter promoted him from Bishop of Metuchen to Archbishop of Newark, then to Archbishop of Washington, then to Cardinal-Priest of the Holy Roman Church. Benedict XVI didn’t act, either, which is yet another shining example of why Papa Rottweiler is not the “Pope of Christian Unity,” no matter what some capitevacantalist clericus vagans will have you believe.

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