…and we go live now to where tonight’s winner in this historic race, Whig candidate and now President-elect Millard Fillmore’s Corpse, is now taking the stage:
Apparently Mr Corpse is still preparing his remarks. We’ll pause a moment so our affiliates can have a station identification break.
Well there you have it. President-elect Corpse of Millard Fillmore, stunned speechless like the rest of the world at America’s dangerous stupidity, and apparently preferring to stay dead.